Motivate

One challenge of parenting is to have children do what they need to do. Some parents resort to bribes, threats, sarcasm, and promises. According to Dr Ginnott, in the short term it works but these are harmful strategies. Children have the wrong motivation to do what is asked, since they are doing it because of the threats and bribes, and not because of the importance of it. Even worse, these strategies encourage misbehavior. You can see more about positive behavior here.

In order to motivate your child to do what they need to do, parents need to encourage good behavior by using appropriate praise.

Carol Dweck (2006) mentions that appropriate praise means praising the effort, the process, strategies, and persistence. It helps children want to continue doing and trying new things. This is helpful to their brain, and perspective because they learn that even though a task is hard, they will continue trying ( Sigler and While inappropriate praise is praising their skills, intelligence or talents, which makes them feel they don’t need more practice, or they become afraid to fail if they try a new task (Muller and Dweck 1998). 

How can parents use appropriate praise to motivate their child to do what they need?

After parents teach a task or a behavior, praise the specific activity they have done. Remember to focus on their effort, the process, strategies, and persistence. 

For example:

• 
  Instead of saying “Good job” say “Good job at washing dishes without being asked”
  

As in the example above, remember to describe the good effort or behavior that you want to see more.

• “I saw you put a lot of effort into organizing your room. It’s such a clean and nice room!”

In this example above, the child will continue to try to organize his room. Even though it’s hard sometimes, the child will continue because he made a connection that to have a room clean he has to make the effort. This understanding was inspired by the appropriate praise. This would have been different if the child had been told to.

References:

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York: Random House. Chicago (Author-Date, 15th ed.).

Ginott, H. G. (1965). Between parent and child: New solutions to old problems. Macmillan.

Mueller, C. M., & Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children’s motivation and performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 33–52. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.1.33