Nurture

If there is anything we can do to help our children have a better adulthood, it is to teach them how to deal

with their emotion. Parents that honestly try to understand their child show respect. When children

show frustration, anger, sadness, and excitement, for example, that’s an opportunity to connect to them.

Unfortunately, often parents struggle to validate their children's emotions because of other distractions,

life's rush, and stress. Validation is recognizing their feelings and thoughts. It’s beneficial for both parents

and children to learn how to better approach emotions. Children feel acceptance, and parents develop

more empathy.

Dr John Gottman (1997) gives some steps to what he calls emotional coaching:

Notice the child emotions (consider it as opportunity for teaching or getting close to the children)
Help the child feel understood (by validating the emotion, feeling compassionate, communicating that you understand the emotion)
Help the child verbally label all the things the child is feeling
Help the child understand where the feelings are coming from
And then set limits if there is misbehavior (Communicate that feelings and wishes are acceptable, even though not all behaviors are acceptable)

You can watch the whole interview in this link.

Some examples of emotion coaching that parents can apply:

Instead say

I know it hurts when we lose something special. But if you stop crying, we can think of something.

Instead say

Don’t be concerned with memorizing sentences, in order to be an emotional coaching parent. This is

going to be a natural process if you remember the most important principle: care for your child's feelings

and thoughts. By embracing your parenting, nurturing will be a pleasant experience for both parents and

child.

Emotion coaching being used in the movie Inside Out. When Sadness talks with Bing Bong.

References

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y.: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

Parenting